Keep Dating Your Wife

By Brian Alfaro

One thing I’ve been reminded of lately is how easy it is to let your marriage slide into the background once you have kids.

Not because you stop loving each other.

Not because anything is wrong.

Just because life gets full fast.

Our daughter is 20 months old now, and like most parents with a young child, a lot of life revolves around her schedule. Sleep, meals, daycare, routines, bath time, all of it. By the time the day is over, it can feel like there is not much left.

And if you are not careful, your relationship with your wife can slowly start operating on whatever energy is left over.

That is usually not much.

You stop going on dates. You stop having real conversations. You stop being intentional. Not all at once, but little by little. You become really good at managing the house, the schedule, and the responsibilities, but not as good at taking care of the relationship itself.

That can happen even in a good marriage.

Especially in a good marriage, honestly, because when things are mostly fine, it is easy to assume they will stay that way without much effort.

But marriage does not really work like that.

Your kids need a lot from you, but your marriage still needs something too.

It needs attention. Time. Effort. Intentionality.

It needs moments where you are not just Mom and Dad, but husband and wife.

I think a lot of couples tell themselves they will get back to that later. When the kids are older. When life slows down. When work calms down. When things feel easier.

But if you keep pushing your marriage to the back of the line, you can wake up one day and realize you have built a very efficient household with someone you barely spend real time with anymore.

That is not what either of you wanted.

I have been feeling that in my own life lately. It is easy for the days to start blending together. Wake up, work, parent, clean up, go to bed, do it again. There is plenty of teamwork in that rhythm, but not always much connection.

And the truth is, good teamwork is not the same thing as closeness.

Both matter, but they are not the same.

That is why I think men need to keep dating their wives after kids.

Not in some big, overcomplicated way. Not because every week needs to feel like a movie. Just because relationships need oxygen.

A dinner out. A walk. An intentional conversation after bedtime. A planned date night that actually stays on the calendar instead of getting bumped every time life gets busy.

Those things seem small, but they do a lot.

They remind your wife she is still wanted, not just needed.

They remind you that your marriage is still something to invest in, not just something to maintain while you raise kids.

And they remind both of you that the relationship has to stay alive if the family is going to stay strong.

Kids are important. Of course they are.

But they are not supposed to get the only best parts of you while your marriage gets whatever is left.

That is something I am still learning in real time.

It takes effort. It takes planning. It takes being honest enough to admit when the relationship has drifted too far into survival mode.

But I think it matters.

Because one day the kids will grow up.

And when they do, the marriage is still what remains.

Brian

A lot of men do not feel frustrated because life is bad.

They feel frustrated because they have been living in reaction mode for too long.

Always responding.
Always adjusting.
Always handling what is right in front of them.

After a while, it becomes hard to tell whether you are being intentional or just staying busy.

A man can look disciplined on the outside and still be drifting on the inside.

Those two things are not always opposites.

Hit reply and let us know. We read every response.

If this resonated with you, share it with someone who carries a lot of responsibility too.

See you next week.

The Forge | 2026